Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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