Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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