I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just threw up on my dentist
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
