See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
