sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
