Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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