I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
