found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
