she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
