Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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