I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize