she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
