I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
