i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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