Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize