hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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