Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
your like the ambassador to my penis.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
