Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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