When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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