I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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