Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
