What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
