Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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