that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
