I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
