i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
