Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
