My hand turned me down
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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