This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize