Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
