He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
