Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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