My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize