I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
