the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
