I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
