he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
