I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
