I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
