I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
