Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my being single is dangerous.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
