My friends, they love my intelligence
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
