Your mouth is God's brothel.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Randomize
