i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
