Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
