Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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