you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
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