I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
