So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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