laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
