she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
