I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
