If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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