pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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