So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
