I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
