shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
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