I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Boobs speak an international language.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
