i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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